You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
