Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
