we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
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ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
