well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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