who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
