Acid is not a monday night drug
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
