Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
