He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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