He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
