he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
