she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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