We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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