No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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