If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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