Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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