you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
