WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
