Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
