Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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