my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
