Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
How drunk are you?
Completed.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
