Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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