South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
