Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
