TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
