I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize