just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
