so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
