I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
