I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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