I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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