we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
