At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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