All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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