There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
