This is not my ceiling
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
