we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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