this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
