"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
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