i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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