; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
