what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
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