She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
