Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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