just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
