I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
