tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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