we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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