She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
