Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
even my farts smell like vagina
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
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