You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You're a disaster
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