Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
