talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
