I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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