Reggie can tackle my bush.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
whose parrot is this?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
