so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
