and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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