Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
