Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
