Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
