just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
