I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We left the knife in your bed.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
