my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
