Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
