I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
