I looked at my own cervix.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
