She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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