he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
