I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
