Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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